FINAL WEEK: The Break Ups & Engagements

Before we get to the good stuff, here's what happened leading up to it.

The ultimate forgettable addition to paradise is the chicken lady - Tiara.  Why producers figured bringing in another woman at this point in the game was a good idea I can't understand.  Tiara had to just be looking for a free 2-night stay away from home where she could eat chicken wings guilt-free.

                                
Nick saddles up to chicken lady and Jen worries he's moving in on her, but he surprises her by snatching up a date card.  

Jen and Nick enjoy a night at a carnival where they have their fortunes told by a card lady.  This is foreshadowing because the fortune teller does not see things going well for the "happy" couple.
                                

Back at the beach, Brett shows Izzy what a mistake she made by turning her back on Vinny and sends her packing in tears.  On the way home Izzy calls Vinny in hopes he's been waiting by the phone for this exact moment.  In short, he wasn't.  
                               
                                 

At the rose ceremony Brett decides he's in no way ready to become engaged to Lauren so he walks away - meaning Lauren must follow. 

Shushanna decides she needs to leave because Wells didn't immediately fall for her.  Bye.

Wells give his rose, shockingly, to Ashley and Jami leaves yet another Bachelor venture alone.
                                 


Onto the final date in paradise.  After this the couples are forced to either a) get engaged and possibly break those engagements in the coming weeks or b) break up on national television and go their separate ways.  

"I know there'll be tough decisions and there might even be some tears later.

Let's break it down:

Ashley & Wells: All's Not Wells After All

Ashley skips around paradise at the thought of a fantasy suite with her new obsession, Wells.  She can't wait to finally enjoy the night with a man.  Wells, on the other hand, is more level headed and realistic knowing he can't just take the 26yr old's virginity after only 3 days of knowing each other.  
                               
They part ways, likely to remain friends.


Carly & Evan:  Carvan Live Happily Ever After

While Carly spends a few moments of panic worrying Evan could pull a Kirk, we all know the truth.  Evan knows he's found the best he'll ever have and is very ready to make the commitment.  In fact, he's "freaking" ready.
                                

Carvan go on a weird date where they use body paint to create weird art with a weird host that removes her bikini top and reveals her rather large, floppy tatas.  Evan wears his tighty whiteys.  Weird.
But as Carly says, it wouldn't be right if it wasn't weird.
                                             

They move onto the fantasy suite and the honesty in their moments makes me believe they actually have a real future.  They are definitely in love, and no matter how "weird" the whole thing is, it works.  
                                

He is her person, he makes her smile and feel confident and loved.  And who are we kidding, THAT is everything.
                              

Carvan leaves paradise happily engaged.  Carly has now met Evan's kids and plans to move in with him by the end of the year.  Go CARVAN!!  We wish you all the best.
                                 

Lace & Grant: aka #Grace

#Grace are all in.  So in they get matching tattoos.  If they don't get engaged they just made a very crazy, forever decision.  Yikes.
                                              
                                              

Luckily, even though Grant feigned indecision, he does indeed propose to Lace and they run off into the sunset a happy couple.  
                               
                               

Jen & Nick: Predictable

I say predictable because Chris Harrison has already announced Nick as the new Bachelor, so if he and Jen had gotten engaged that would be awkward.
                             

However, they DID go on a date, had a very romantic time.  They entered the fantasy suite with Jen still hoping Nick would break down his walls and open up to love.  

Nick, in my opinion, did have serious feelings for Jen, but needs more time than these shows give him.  
                            
How he plans to find love on The Bachelor with even less time to get to know each lady is going to be really tough for him.
                            

Jen was hoping for a relationship outside of Paradise.  Nick bailed.  He scares easily now.  Hopefully 4th time will be the charm but I have to admit, I do have my doubts.
                              

And finally... 

Amanda & Josh: Family Ties

These two bore me.  Amanda, while sweet and cute, doesn't say much of anything beyond agreeing with everything Josh says.  Josh spends most of his time sweating profusely and "mmm-ing" as loudly as he can.  I'm not sure how Amanda can stand either, but it seems to work for her.

So very damp.                            

They don't hesitate to head on their final date in paradise and spend the night "getting to know each other better" in the fantasy suite.  Surprisingly, they finally make mention of her two lil girls at home and how that might affect their relationship in the real world.

Josh allows this to weigh on him for a few seconds and then meets with his ol' buddy Neil Lane.  He picks out a ring for Amanda worth $85-thousand bucks and gets down on one knee.  

                           

I hope this relationship doesn't end in a book deal for Amanda.  I likely wouldn't make it past the first chapter... zzzz.

According to their recap, Josh has already made the move to live with Amanda and loves her girls.  

From Josh's Instagram

Paradise ended with more engagements that ever before, but the real test comes now, in the real world.  Will there be another ABC televised wedding?  Or tabloid break up?
Time will tell...

Next up, Nick takes on the role of The Bachelor.  I'm predicting another Brad Womack moment - he leaves 2 women standing at the rose alter in tears at the end... but we'll have to wait to see.

Remember that time The Bachelor didn't pick anyone...

 
On another note, I would love to see Jen as the next Bachelorette.  I loved her straight-shooter style.  She's to the point, upfront and honest.  She would make a great Bachelorette.

                                                                  

Until the next season... I'm going to take this moment to say my goodbyes.
Thanks for reading.  
                              

~xo KP

BIP: Week 5 - All's Well(s)

Week 5 came in like a red hot lace outfit.  Yikes.  

I mean, I love me some Carly... but this outfit... it was a red, hot mess.  

I feel like Evan HAD to have dared her to wear it.  It was not good.  Not on any level.  At all.
                                 
           
Ashley calls to the island dogs to bring her a man.  Enter Wells.
The entire group pushes Wells to date Ashley, making her his burden to carry.  He caves.
                               

They have a great time, chatting, eating tacos and making friends with the local canine population.  

                           

Ashley immediately begins talking about Wells like he's the new Jared.  Watch out Wells.  Meanwhile everyone else is hoping they really hit it off.       

                           

Nick and Jen decide to get it on in, what seems to be the only big bed in paradise, but Josh isn't having it.  He gets all "Josh-like" and lays claim to said bed.  This brings out his rage.  Again.

Josh readying for a fight.

Rose ceremony time and Daniel starts to work his charm since there have been no love connections for him since he sent Sarah home.

He feeds Hailey a platter of greasy foods.

And gives Izzy a lamp. 

                                

Sadly, in the end our crazy Canuck is sent packing when the twins decide after 5 weeks that it's time to go.  Along with Daniel, two "who are they"s are forced to say their goodbyes as well.

                                 

Before leaving the twins feel the agonizing need to let Amanda know Josh is likely a creep.  This news falls on deaf ears because mama is already smitten.  All the "mmm-ing" has hypnotized her into submission.

  

Ashley sleeps late the next morning and this gives Wells the opportunity to head out on a date with Jami, the newest arrival.  New Ashley holds it together when she hears the news - everyone is shocked she doesn't go postal.

                                

       

With her new love interest gone for the day, Ashley turns her sights back to old faithful, Jared.  She basically tells Caila she'd better head home.  Which she later denies to Jared.

                               
















Caila's had enough and packs her few things into an extremely heavy suitcase which she, alone, hauls into the back of the cab.

Ashley, meanwhile, crunches for the cameras.

Here's my take on the whole situation.  Caila wasn't really that into Jared if she was willing to just up and leave so easily.  She used the Ashley factor as an excuse to leave -- and wasn't expecting Jared to chase after her.  

                                 

Ashley finds out they leave and actually maintains composure.  But it's only a matter of time... 

                                  

Ashley takes this opportunity to focus more on Wells.  She barely gets the words out of her mouth begging for no more competition when two lovely ladies walk the steps into paradise.  Lauren, the cute kindergarten teacher, and Shushanna, the russian whore - according to Ashley.

Lauren asks Brett, lamp guy, on a date - giving Izzy a taste of her own medicine... and Shu asks Wells.  

WHEN DID WELLS BECOME SUCH A HOT COMMODITY AND WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME!??

I mean, seriously, what are they drinking in paradise that turns guys like Wells and Evan into studs?  

                                 

They double date and Shu is definitely a lot of woman for Wells.  Meantime, Brett and Lauren seem to hit it off.

When they return from their date lamp boy has some thinking to do along with Wells - three women are after his heart.  Geesh! 

You and me both...

                             

In other news, Evan tells Carly he's falling in love with her and she says the same right back!  WHHHHAAAAATTTTT!!???

Carly - "how did I fall for the penis guy?"
How indeed?

Josh and Amanda seem back on track.  He calls her his best friend "on the island" and they admit they are falling in love.  No mention of the 2 little girls she has at home that will factor into their relationship at some point if they take it off the island... Yikes.

   

And finally... the new Bachelor is announced and I am stoked!!!
NICK VIALL is going to be given the opportunity to find love among a house full of women - yay!  So... I guess he and Jen didn't work out.  Too bad.
But he's finally going to lose the title of "runner-up!"

                                  

The BIP finale is next week... so until then, I'm going to take this moment to say my goodbyes.

                                  
~xo KP









                             






























                             

Week 4: The Break Up

In Paradise new meat... I mean men... join the group.  A couple of "who the hell are they?" walk in and one brings a lamp.  I still don't remember him.   But he sets his sights on Caila and that worries Jared.
                                 

Caila proves she could never handle being the Bachelorette because she is the most indecisive human on the planet, thereby being the most frustrating.  But with great hair. 

She kept changing her mind about going... or staying... or going... or staying... when Brett asks her on a date.  It was the most annoying 60 seconds of tv EVER!  

She finally decides to go on the date and immediately regrets it - making Jared a very happy camper and sending Ashley into tears.  Not that that's difficult.

                               
At the rose ceremony, too many women are after Daniel for his rose, making him feel like a Canadian God.  It's too much.

On the chopping block, Sarah, Ashley and the twins... 
                                  

For some reason, Sarah is actually into Daniel and his strange - she even makes him a cake for his "half birthday" - whatever that means.

Ashley bonds with Daniel and his insane, yet somehow reflective, advice on getting over Jared and is confident she's getting the rose.
                                   

And Hailey takes one for the team and kisses Daniel - if you can even call that a kiss - after he professes his love... of her butt.

Needless to say, Hailey gets his rose.  Wait... what?  
                                                              
Sadly this means Sarah and Ashley head for their rides to the airport.  Sarah, cheated yet again in her quest for love.  Sigh.  

Ashley makes it as far as the door, turns around and asks the group for a second chance at winning Jared over.  Cause you know, she is close.  They unanimously agree.  Ashley is here to stay and make Caila's life difficult.
                                                     

Later... Emily finds a love match with a tattoo'd guy, Clark... Chuck... Scott??  No wait, CARL!!  I mean, when your date can't even remember your name ... but then again it is one of the twins so... not super surprising.  
                                   

Grant sets up a super sweet couples massage date for he and Lace... and then he drops the "L" bomb... the first in paradise this season... well, if you don't count Ashley and her undying, unreturned love for Jared.  
                                     


Carly and Evan seem to be doing well... she's honest and cute about their connection.  She thinks he's the good guy who really shouldn't finish last.   
                                    
He makes her feel good about herself, and really, who doesn't want that?  I want that - for Carly... she deserves happy.
                                  

Meanwhile, the winds are 'a changing' in Paradise.  The "strongest couple" has a falling out... in fact, Izzy and Vinny were so strong that they barely got any air time.  I wish I cared that they split... but I never had a chance to get invested in their relationship.  

Izzy admits she has doubts about her 4 week fling with Vinny because she thinks Brett is hot so Vinny leaves broken-hearted.  
                    

The news of the break shakes the house and everyone's mood changes... making this the perfect time for our favourite Paradise couple to return - Janner!
                              
The first ever BIP lasting-love-duo get to choose a couple to hand out the next date to.  I'm pretty convinced they will give it to either A) Carly and Evan since Carly is Jade's BFF or B) Jared and Caila since Jared is a close friend.  

BFFs

                             
They meet with the couples, deciding Josh is insincere, Nick and Jen are too new and Carly with Evan is just too... well... weird, in a nutshell.

Even though Ashley begs them to not give the date to Jared and "that lying ho-bitch" Caila, the duo send the new love birds on a romantic date.  Ashley cries.
                                

Jared and Caila go on another date and kiss.  Lots.  Lots of kissing.  
But it is a refreshing change from Josh sucking Amanda's face with all the "mmm-ing."  
                                

On their date Jared and Caila strip down to their Calvin Klein's and "swim" in what looks like brown, dirty waters.  Yuck.  But they have a great time.
                                              

Back at the beach... Lace appears to be on the verge of breaking things off with Grant... 
Not entirely sure why... maybe because falling in love actually scares her??
                          


Ashley takes it upon herself to confide in Jared that Caila is fake and not as into him as he is in her.  He takes it all in.  Jared doesn't appear to have a mean bone in his chiseled lil body. He manages to tell Caila about his conversation without throwing Ashley under the bus.  

Caila, reads between the lines, and decides it's time to confront ol' Ashley.  Good for her.  Except that Ashley bats her eyes and basically ignores everything.
                            

How Ashley has managed to live in this dreamland for this long is amazing.  What will it take for her to move past Jared?

Well... stay tuned.  I believe next week could change everything... and by next week I mean Wells (from JoJo's season) arriving at Paradise.

*Side note: did Leah leave in such a hurry she forgot her bikini and Ashley helped herself to it or is it possible they have the exact same one?  Thoughts?

                           
                        

While we ponder that one...  I'm going to take a moment and say my goodbyes.
Until next week... 
~xo KP