Week 4: The Break Up

In Paradise new meat... I mean men... join the group.  A couple of "who the hell are they?" walk in and one brings a lamp.  I still don't remember him.   But he sets his sights on Caila and that worries Jared.
                                 

Caila proves she could never handle being the Bachelorette because she is the most indecisive human on the planet, thereby being the most frustrating.  But with great hair. 

She kept changing her mind about going... or staying... or going... or staying... when Brett asks her on a date.  It was the most annoying 60 seconds of tv EVER!  

She finally decides to go on the date and immediately regrets it - making Jared a very happy camper and sending Ashley into tears.  Not that that's difficult.

                               
At the rose ceremony, too many women are after Daniel for his rose, making him feel like a Canadian God.  It's too much.

On the chopping block, Sarah, Ashley and the twins... 
                                  

For some reason, Sarah is actually into Daniel and his strange - she even makes him a cake for his "half birthday" - whatever that means.

Ashley bonds with Daniel and his insane, yet somehow reflective, advice on getting over Jared and is confident she's getting the rose.
                                   

And Hailey takes one for the team and kisses Daniel - if you can even call that a kiss - after he professes his love... of her butt.

Needless to say, Hailey gets his rose.  Wait... what?  
                                                              
Sadly this means Sarah and Ashley head for their rides to the airport.  Sarah, cheated yet again in her quest for love.  Sigh.  

Ashley makes it as far as the door, turns around and asks the group for a second chance at winning Jared over.  Cause you know, she is close.  They unanimously agree.  Ashley is here to stay and make Caila's life difficult.
                                                     

Later... Emily finds a love match with a tattoo'd guy, Clark... Chuck... Scott??  No wait, CARL!!  I mean, when your date can't even remember your name ... but then again it is one of the twins so... not super surprising.  
                                   

Grant sets up a super sweet couples massage date for he and Lace... and then he drops the "L" bomb... the first in paradise this season... well, if you don't count Ashley and her undying, unreturned love for Jared.  
                                     


Carly and Evan seem to be doing well... she's honest and cute about their connection.  She thinks he's the good guy who really shouldn't finish last.   
                                    
He makes her feel good about herself, and really, who doesn't want that?  I want that - for Carly... she deserves happy.
                                  

Meanwhile, the winds are 'a changing' in Paradise.  The "strongest couple" has a falling out... in fact, Izzy and Vinny were so strong that they barely got any air time.  I wish I cared that they split... but I never had a chance to get invested in their relationship.  

Izzy admits she has doubts about her 4 week fling with Vinny because she thinks Brett is hot so Vinny leaves broken-hearted.  
                    

The news of the break shakes the house and everyone's mood changes... making this the perfect time for our favourite Paradise couple to return - Janner!
                              
The first ever BIP lasting-love-duo get to choose a couple to hand out the next date to.  I'm pretty convinced they will give it to either A) Carly and Evan since Carly is Jade's BFF or B) Jared and Caila since Jared is a close friend.  

BFFs

                             
They meet with the couples, deciding Josh is insincere, Nick and Jen are too new and Carly with Evan is just too... well... weird, in a nutshell.

Even though Ashley begs them to not give the date to Jared and "that lying ho-bitch" Caila, the duo send the new love birds on a romantic date.  Ashley cries.
                                

Jared and Caila go on another date and kiss.  Lots.  Lots of kissing.  
But it is a refreshing change from Josh sucking Amanda's face with all the "mmm-ing."  
                                

On their date Jared and Caila strip down to their Calvin Klein's and "swim" in what looks like brown, dirty waters.  Yuck.  But they have a great time.
                                              

Back at the beach... Lace appears to be on the verge of breaking things off with Grant... 
Not entirely sure why... maybe because falling in love actually scares her??
                          


Ashley takes it upon herself to confide in Jared that Caila is fake and not as into him as he is in her.  He takes it all in.  Jared doesn't appear to have a mean bone in his chiseled lil body. He manages to tell Caila about his conversation without throwing Ashley under the bus.  

Caila, reads between the lines, and decides it's time to confront ol' Ashley.  Good for her.  Except that Ashley bats her eyes and basically ignores everything.
                            

How Ashley has managed to live in this dreamland for this long is amazing.  What will it take for her to move past Jared?

Well... stay tuned.  I believe next week could change everything... and by next week I mean Wells (from JoJo's season) arriving at Paradise.

*Side note: did Leah leave in such a hurry she forgot her bikini and Ashley helped herself to it or is it possible they have the exact same one?  Thoughts?

                           
                        

While we ponder that one...  I'm going to take a moment and say my goodbyes.
Until next week... 
~xo KP

                 

BACHELOR IN PARADISE - WEEK 3

All things are still loud "mmmm"ing with Josh and Amanda - seriously, why does he do that? It's gross.

Evan, with a false sense of confidence, interrupts the face-sucking duo, hoping for a chance at Amanda's heart.  She turns him down very clearly... but surprisingly all Evan hears is "there's still a chance."  Just gotta get through the 6'2", 220lb brick house that is Josh.

Best of luck to you Evan.

                             

Josh managed to find something else to keep his mouth busy while Amanda was chatting with Evan - cheesy pizza.  Which he eats while "mmm"ing.  Yah.  Gross.

At the rose ceremony  my favourite runner-up  Nick got a pity rose from the "other" twin, Hailey - but , yay, we're happy because we like Nick and we really like him working out on the beach.

BUT that means the guy no one remembers is heading home.  Bye ... you.

Chris Harrison calls Josh out for sweating profusely.  How does Amanda handle it?

It's just so hot..

And that's just gross.

Sarah shocks the crowds by giving her rose to DAMN! Daniel instead of Christian.  Only they can understand their connection, but I kinda like it.
                             
                       
Carly gives her rose to Evan... and he's in love with her again too.  Ugh.

"He knows it's a strictly platonic rose." - does he, really?

The next day, the women are worried to see Caila - the almost Bachelorette, before JoJo stole the title.  She immediately goes after Jared and Emily takes it well, kinda.

Jared has a great time with Caila and "sees a future with her" already.  Damn.  They do seem like a good match - with sweet and sweeter personalities.  Barf.               

DAMN! Daniel then sucks water from Vinny's belly button.  Why?  Because he's Daniel.

Meantime, "mmmmm" is going strong.  

                   

                   
Then the first double date in BIP history happens for Lace, Grant, Izzy and Vinny.  
They get drunk, party and dance.
                   

Emily wants Jared to pick her over Caila... because "she's cute and a good kisser" (according to her, I have no idea).

In other news, Evan gets so drunk producers call in medical.  It's all very dramatic.

Bottom line, producers overreact for television.  BUT their plan works and it brings Carly to his room where she's sequestered for the night.  Poor girl... oh wait... they make out.  WTF.

Clever Evan, very clever.

  Back to Amanda and Josh, where they get it on... on national tv.  Which, honestly, surprised me from the good lil Amanda - the mommy of two lil girls... the sweet, angelic 27yr old.  

Oh wait, she's 27... ok, yah, go ahead girl, get laid!

                                                    

                       
And suddenly the music changes... just as Jared and Caila are getting cozy... here comes water-works-Ashley.

Ashley claims she's given herself only 3 times the entire season to shed some tears.  That lasts about 20 mins into the episode as the waterfall flows.  Once she learns about Caila and Jared's potential she loses it.

   I feel for Jared, who, for the last year, has put up with Ashley's attentions and thought they built a friendship... only to be blasted by her once he finally finds someone he really likes.                           

Caila, otherwise known as "that lying whore" according to Ashley, feels badly now and is going to hold back from Jared.  This could be Jaila's demise.

That look.

Ashley ends up using her date card on Daniel, who is really interested in the fact she's a virgin.  He kinda grossed me out with all that talk.  But their date was cute, until Ashley was taken away to be sacrificed.  It was weird.  


                    

After being sacrificed, Ashley returns and Jared only has one question for her... 

Ashley - "To get over you!" - well, how's that working out for you?

                   


Evan is sent to hospital with swollen ankles, that's right, swollen ankles.  
                  

Carly goes with him and somehow this makes her fall for him all over again.  Carly is back on the Evan train.  Woo-woo!

No, no it's not.

                                 

To the excitement of Nick, Jen walks into paradise.  He is smitten.  I am loving it.  She gives him the date card and they go to the beach with loads and loads of creepy, crawly crabs!
                                

Loved when Jen said "I'm kinda attracted to you a bit... are you attracted to me?"  She's slightly adorable.  Or at leastI hope she is, you never know this early on, she could break out the crazy.  

Meanwhile...

Still crying...

In the end, Jared is left making a tough decision.  Does he give a rose to Caila, who he wants to be with... or Ashley, who he doesn't want to hurt?  Will Daniel give his rose to Sarah... or Ashley, who he's hoping to deflower?  And who will save the twins?

Just because I've been waiting to use this baby.

                     

Fav moment of the show - Nick trying to give Ashley a dose of reality regarding Jared:
 "this isn't love, this is infatuation.  It's not love... not even close.  You're not going to be with him.  You're never going to be with him."

Loved it.

"BOOM"

               



Until next week, I'm going to take this moment to say my goodbyes.
~xo KP