Week 5: The "Mini-Chads" Emerge

We start week 5 with the guys celebrating the departure of Chad by throwing his protein powder into the air.   
Only one problem... Chad isn't quite gone... yet.
                                            
Alex comes back from the 2 on 1 "the hero" aka "slayer of the dragon".  Not bad for a vertically challenged guy.

So... Chad exits the building... and the show... 
                                     

But who will slay all the "Mini-Chads" that have emerged?  It's a frightening thought.  Mini-Alex can't possibly take them all on.  
                                                      

At the rose ceremony, some guys go home, shockingly, Evan wasn't one of them.  I seriously do not know what she sees in him.  I really do not.  It baffles me.  It pains me really.  

Anyway, onto Uruguay for some more drama filled fun times.

The first solo date goes to Jordan and suddenly he's public enemy number one.  He does strike me as evil personified.  
                                              
The guys at the house take time to read the tabloids and worry about an article they come across about our Bachelorette and her Ex.  Bad guy Chad.  Her ex.  Not to be confused with The Chad Bear who has exited the show... we think.
                                             
Let's be real, the producers had to do something to make up for the Chad-factor... because we all miss the Chad Bear.  Producers gave the guys this article to stir up crap for JoJo - we can all see through it people!  Come on!

Too bad Producer-people, the guys didn't feed into it like you had hoped.  No one bailed.  No one caused a fight.  No one yelled.  

Moving on.
                                           

The group date takes everyone sand surfing.  This is literally one of my worst nightmares ("one of" because I have many a phobia).  But seriously, they had to have had sand in so many places.  Super uncomfortable places.
                                         

Tonight we learn Alex hates lots of people.  First it was Chad.  Now it's Derek.  Alex hates Derek.  Alex might just have "Little Big Man Syndrome" - it's a real thing.

Derek gets a rose on the group date to 'reassure him' and this sets Alex's hate radar off!
                                           
The next solo date goes to Robby - who?  I barely know who he is, this is his FIRST date with JoJo and he's IN LOVE WITH HER!  I'm sorry, WHAT?
Red alert, red alert!!!
                                            
He tells her he loves her, she thanks him... and "appreciates it"... drop him, drop him like a sack of heavy potatoes!  Please, for the love of all that is right, drop him NOW!


JoJo is becoming the queen of cancelling the cocktail party.  
Alex is sounding like a broken record with the whole "if ___ stays and I go home this is a joke."  He used to fill in that blank with Chad's name and now it's Derek.  Look out Derek, Mini-Alex has a history of making people go home.  Well, Chad... so far, just Chad.

3 of the guys go home - and OH HAPPY DAY we can celebrate the departure of Evan!!  Oh how that made my day!  It's been a long time coming. I may never understand how he got through all these weeks... but all is well and right in the world again.  Yessss baby!!
                                         
















Until next week, I'm going to take this moment to say my goodbyes... much like Evan did, minus the tears.

~xo KP

                                          

Week 4: Don't Poke The Chad Bear

Let's dive right in!  

When we left off last Chad was preparing to rip off everyone's limbs, security was monitoring the house... things were getting intense.
                             
JoJo joins the guys at the mansion for a pool party... what could go wrong?  Oh nothing, except Evan starts to gush blood immediately - Chad!  Oh, no, wait... Evan simply jumped into the water.  Hmm... Evan might be the biggest wimp I've ever seen (sorry Evan).     

                                          











JoJo and Jordan go off to talk and I'm pretty sure while she's admiring him she kisses her own knee.  Weird.
Then we cut back to Chad (because we can't go more than 30 seconds without seeing Chad - aka "The Chad Bear").  
                                        

Evan likes to poke The Chad Bear.  He interrupts Chad and JoJo's chat.  
Derek likes to poke The Chad Bear.  He bad talks Chad to JoJo.  The Chad Bear overhears.
The Chad Bear confronts Derek.  Derek's knees shake.  
                                           

Rose ceremony begins.  Most chemistry easily goes to Jordan.  Also, just how short IS Alex??

Chad gets this rose and the 4 guys leaving are pissed, among them, Santa.  What a shame. How can you NOT like Santa!?

JoJo announces they will be leaving the mansion "forever" to some great, unknown place... otherwise known as Pennsylvania.
                                            

Luke gets the first solo date away from the mansion and the chemistry really heats up.  Oh wait, that's the hot tub.  The super, super hot tub.  

Date goes well, Luke gets the rose.  They make out in front of a crowd of people.
                                             

Group date time and everyone is going,  minus Chad and vertically challenged Alex.  This means there's a 2 on 1... I expected it to go to Chad and Evan, but this will do.

Group date gets violent - even without The Chad Bear there.  
                                            

Evan chooses an ... interesting look... for the game.
                                            
Group date rose goes to.... Jordan.  Shocking.

Back in the guys room Chad is busy calling vertically challenged Alex outside.  Then he calls Grant outside.  Then he calls everyone outside.  No one goes outside.  What's outside?  Why does The Chad Bear need to go outside so badly?  Why can't he go outside alone?  
                                               
The Chad Bear threatens Jordan.  Threatens he will "find him after the show."  I agree with Jordan, The Chad Bear may just have mental issues.  
I did have to suppress a laugh when all the guys were sharing the same couch chatting about Chad... and when he enters it's the most awkward silence.
                                           

Two on one - Chad vs. Alex  LET's GO!!!
Alex uses his time to bad talk Chad, no shortage of conversation there.

Chad's time with JoJo... did not go well.  Not at all.  So he goes looking for Alex.  Yikes Alex.
You poked The Chad Bear.  But it's ok... he's not mad, he's just disappointed.
Well, that's something.

And also, Chad thinks milk is delicious and Alex needs to drink some.  Wait...what?  I'm confused.  What happened?
                                    
JoJo finally returns to break up the milk debate.  Sends Chad home.  Keeps teeny, tiny Alex.
JoJo doesn't like The Chad Bear.  JoJo isn't going to be doing any poking of the Chad Bear. Bye Chad.
And the guys at the house rejoice.
                                    

That is until Chad returns ... dun dun dunnnnnnn!!!!!
                                    

Until next week, I'm going to take this moment to say my goodbyes... as should some of the guys in the house now that The Chad Bear is back for their limbs...

~KP


                      

Week 3: Part 1 - Roid Rage

Ready for this "exciting, dramatic 2 night event"??  Oh baby... am I ever!!!

Chase & JoJo one on one.

Who?  Oh Chase... right...guy with beard... um...ok.

Chad didn't get the solo date, even though he and JoJo are "killing it together" - am I off track here or did this season JUST begin?  Love the confidence Chad, but Bachelorette history says that will buy you no love in the house.  Which is excellent for me, love that drama!
                                     

Back to the awkward, uncomfortable yoga date with beard guy.  And the anger-gasm. Excellent.  I mean, really, awesome.  Who doesn't want to unleash an anger-gasm before your first kiss with a guy.  Not only did they have to endure the anger-gasm but they also had to straddle each other while holding their third eyes in alignment... now I may not know exactly what she was referring to with the "third eye" but it sent my uncomfortable meter sky high! 
                                   

While it was uncomfortable, Chase still got himself a rose.  Good work Chase.  
                                    

Back at the house Chad starts to stir things up by saying he doesn't want to go on a group date.  Which is fair.  No one wants to be on a date with 11 other guys.  But this sets the guys off.
Things start to get heated.  Really heated.  Especially when Chad calls them outside.
                                   
All that being said, Chad and the 11 other guys still go on the group date.  Ohhhh this is gonna be good.

Welcome to the "sex talk" group date - on stage... where a woman has an orgasm (not to be mistaken with an anger-gasm) in front of everyone and the guys will have to tell their sex stories... on stage... in front of an audience... um... my uncomfortable meter is going nuts!
                                  
I don't get JoJo.  Hearing the guy I'm dating tell stories about having sex with other women does not do it for me.  At all.  But to each their own.

Evan, one of the smallest women...er... I mean men, in the group eggs Chad on - bringing out the "roid-rage" in him.  Not sure that was the smartest move on his part, but it was entertaining.  
Tough guy Chad grabs Evan's shirt, from behind, as Evan walks by him, and yanks on it. Kinda a weak move - no?
And then to top it off,  Chad gets the cheek when he decides to go in for a kiss in front of the entire group.  This is just not his day.
                                     
Towards the end of the group date Evan pulls out the unexpected ultimatum.  I'm still trying to figure out what JoJo sees in him.  He doesn't seem to fit her "type" considering all the other guys in the house are men's men.  
But... she obviously sees something.
                                     

JoJo decides to stroke the "roid rage monster" in Chad by handing Evan the group date rose. The look on Chad's face scared even me.  
                                     
                                     
And then he questioned if it was "a real scenario" and asked if she was "vibing on this dude." He couldn't be digging his grave any faster.  It was amazing.  I don't think I've ever seen a more open and honest villain.  
Chad is scary, roid-rage guy.  To the extreme.
Enter security.  Seriously.

        

Onto the next one-on-one and it goes to James T.  He is sweetly excited and humbled.  And has cute hair.

And dances like a beast.  Go James T.  Adorable doesn't even begin to describe James T.  
                                                    
Back at the house, Canadian guy tries to have a heart to heart with Chad about his rage and how it reflects on him.  Chad eats lettuce in return.
                                         

Back to James' date, the adorable keeps coming.  He's the whole package according to JoJo. I agree.  Adorbs.   AND he plays guitar - OMG.

                                

End episode 1 with Evan running to Chris Harrison to literally tattle on Chad.  Because the ultimatum didn't work.  

Tomorrow's episode will answer so many questions... will Evan tattle on any other guys?  Will Chad be sent home?  How will JoJo react?  Is Chad going to tear off the other guys arms and legs and throw their torsos in the pool?  
I can't wait to find out!

Until then... I'll take this time to say my goodbyes.

(and leave you with some of the funny from the credits)
                                  

~KP

Week 2: Does the truth hurt?

Well that didn't take long.  Every season needs its token jerk.  This season it's Chad... 

Chad doesn't want to be friends with the other guys.  Chad thinks he's better than everyone else.  Chad works out with his suitcase tethered to his body.  

Wells, on the other hand, may not be the tough, macho type, but he won some awe's with his sweet, charming and just downright cute personality during the fire fighting date.  Which is why he got the group date rose - the man nearly fainted on national tv... he earned it.  

 I mean, Wells is adorable... but realistically, who doesn't like 'em tough and macho. Apparently  JoJo agrees or she wouldn't have had the fire fighter contest in the first place. 

Be honest, every woman wants a guy who can carry her through a hole in a door.

And even though Grant won the date competition, Luke (the war vet) got the best one on one time with JoJo.  Cue the chemistry.

Back at the mansion, the guys have decided to compose a song for JoJo... a harmony of sorts... singing a song they worked on all day to win JoJo's love.  It goes something like this... JJJJOJOJJJJJOJOJJJJJOJO.

The actual one-on-one date with Derek bored me so ...   Let's move on.

Next... another group date.  But before we get there Chad needs to be a jerk once again to the guys who didn't get a date at all this week.  Loving the drama he brings.  Hoping he fools her long enough to stick around a while.

As a bonus, Chad also gives awesome advice. 

                            

The group date takes the men to the ESPN studios for "BachelorNation" - I didn't realize JoJo was a super sports fan.   

The men are put through a series of challenges that allows them to look like total asses. Cause that's what you want in a man.  An ass.

                           

 Chad decides it's time to "get real" and win JoJo's heart by insulting her.

                               

                               

Chad keeps up his truth momentum by insulting the other guys and JoJo.

Chad comes in 2nd place in the competition's power ranking.  

Turns out the truth doesn't hurt. 

So yay... more Chad for a bit longer.  

                               

Annnnddd then we find out Chad's mom just passed away, literally, JUST passed away, like mere months ago... and he has a puppy he adores. The man knows how to play both villain and good guy. 

I am so torn.  

Meanwhile, the guys choose to sit around on the couch bad mouthing Chad.  Chad, on the other hand, grabs JoJo in a serious power move before she even enters the mansion for the cocktail party.  That move said it all.  

Later, when the upset guys try to confront Chad he literally laughs at them and walks away. Another power move.  A "Chad", if you will.

This is the "Chad".

                                            

We also learn Chad really likes to eat, which also upsets the other men.

                                    

Again this week - some guys stayed, some were sent home.  I have no favourites yet to care who's who.

And finally, as I've said in the past, if you don't stay tuned long enough to catch the credits, you are seriously missing out.  The videos shown during the credits is probably the best part of the entire show.  No lie.

                                     


Note:  There is a 2 Episode event next week - Monday & Tuesday - drama drama drama!


And so, until then, I'm going to take this moment to say my goodbyes.

~xo KP